I was making the 3 hour trek from my hometown to Fargo today and had some time to think. Instead of doing something productive, I decided to list some of the stuff I noticed along the way.
This is what I came up with:
-Although my dog is 80 pounds and looks like she could tear your face off, she views windshield wipers as much more of a threat than a convenience.
-I found enough random office supplies on the floor of my vehicle to open a new Staples branch. Need Scotch tape? Got it. Mini-stapler? Got it. Ball of that green tacky stuff? Got it, but you might have to pull some of the dog hair off to make it work.
-Even if you adorn your mailbox or fake deer with a wreath, they will still be shot at in rural Minnnesota.
-My prescription sunglasses make me look like a 76-year-old woman who deals poker at her nursing home in Florida.
-Reapplying Carmex every 5 minutes does not instantly solve your chapped lipped problem. Instead, it makes everything you eat or drink taste like a menthol cigarette.
-Cherry Coke tastes like my childhood, grenadine, and corn syrup.
-The newest Death Cab for Cutie album still sucks.
-Bring more than one pair of pants home with you. If you do not, you will inevitably spill gas on yourself. This means you will either spend Christmas dinner in your dad's sweat pants or smelling like a Texaco.
-No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to sing or talk like Dan Smith of Listener.
-The T9 in my phone thinks that saying "CMYK" is more important than "bowl."
-If your car breaks down on Highway 75 in Minnesota, you are not allowed to fix it. You must push it into the nearest field and let it rust for the next 30 years.
-Freestanding pop machines in odd places seem like a terrible idea until I'm very thirsty in the middle of nowhere and I'm willing to pay $3.50 for a 20 oz Cherry Coke. Then it seems like a smart investment.
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