Wisdom of the Road

I was making the 3 hour trek from my hometown to Fargo today and had some time to think. Instead of doing something productive, I decided to list some of the stuff I noticed along the way.
This is what I came up with:

-Although my dog is 80 pounds and looks like she could tear your face off, she views windshield wipers as much more of a threat than a convenience.

-I found enough random office supplies on the floor of my vehicle to open a new Staples branch. Need Scotch tape? Got it. Mini-stapler? Got it. Ball of that green tacky stuff? Got it, but you might have to pull some of the dog hair off to make it work.

-Even if you adorn your mailbox or fake deer with a wreath, they will still be shot at in rural Minnnesota.

-My prescription sunglasses make me look like a 76-year-old woman who deals poker at her nursing home in Florida.

-Reapplying Carmex every 5 minutes does not instantly solve your chapped lipped problem. Instead, it makes everything you eat or drink taste like a menthol cigarette.

-Cherry Coke tastes like my childhood, grenadine, and corn syrup.

-The newest Death Cab for Cutie album still sucks.

-Bring more than one pair of pants home with you. If you do not, you will inevitably spill gas on yourself. This means you will either spend Christmas dinner in your dad's sweat pants or smelling like a Texaco.

-No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to sing or talk like Dan Smith of Listener.

-The T9 in my phone thinks that saying "CMYK" is more important than "bowl."

-If your car breaks down on Highway 75 in Minnesota, you are not allowed to fix it. You must push it into the nearest field and let it rust for the next 30 years.

-Freestanding pop machines in odd places seem like a terrible idea until I'm very thirsty in the middle of nowhere and I'm willing to pay $3.50 for a 20 oz Cherry Coke. Then it seems like a smart investment.

Paper Work = Adulthood?

The other day, I was filling out a form. Which form you ask? Irrelevant. It adds nothing to the story and, frankly, that's not your business. Didn't your parents teach you to value privacy? Anyway, like many, this particular form asked for a list of references. Someone that can boast without crossed fingers about my great deeds and heroic acts.

I thought about it for a second and tried to think of which "adult" I'd like to list. Obviously it couldn't be some one my own age. It has to be my boss or my boss's boss or my best friend's mom. I mean, I haven't conducted myself too crassly during our sleep overs and I eat all my vegetables. That has to count for something.

I then realized that I, Adam Hansen, can list someone of my own age without fear. I'm not committing fraud. I'm no longer 15, applying for jobs at fast food hell holes or grocery stores. I've officially reached the point in my life where my peers are considered trust-worthy people, able to comment on a person's character with an air of credibility.

Then I spilled my sippy-cup full of beer, called my mom bawling, and made her pick up a new, alcohol-free application for me. I was too embarrassed to go back again and my hands were sticky.

Lists of Stuff

Well, folks, it's nearly the end of the year. That means a bunch of people are going to make a bunch of lists for a bunch of subjects. You don't care, right? That's too bad because I'm one of those people. It's a little self-indulgent, but I don't really care.

Top 10 Albums (Not necessarily released this year, but discovered this year.)
In no certain order:

1. Gorilla Manor-Local Natives
2. Long Live-The Chariot
3. Mine is Yours-Cold War Kids
4. No Colour-The Dodos 
5. Life is Sweet! Nice to Meet You-Lightspeed Champion
6. Buzzard-Margot and the Nuclear So and So's
7. Knives Don't Have Your Back-Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton
8. Simple Math-Manchester Orchestra
9. Blood Pressures-The Kills
10. My Name is Skrillex EP-Skrillex (Yeah, surprised me, too.)

What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
1. Season 5 of Mad Men
2. New Every Time I Die album
3. Season 5 of Breaking Bad
4. Nikon D800/D7100?
5. The Dark Knight Rises
6. The Hobbit Part 1
7. (Obligatory end of the world joke.)
8. Graduation from college
9. Something else
10. Something else

I might do more of these as it gets closer to the end of the year, but we'll see. Depends on how motivated I feel.